So... i wrote a song

Yes mon frere

I, Maria Chan, wrote a song

a love song in fact

can i just say its very personal to me and i dont know how else to express my feelings
they are real i can tell you that

i feel like i let my heart out on paper
This song is practically my heart on paper
well not paper
a metaphorical paper
called the internet

dont tease

This is love ok

its love

love

dude


its love



ok

Here i go

My love song

My passion, my everything, my heart on paper. Sigh here goes, i cant believe i am letting people see this
its basically my diary in a song. It may reveal you know, who/what my heart belongs to

btw i cried writing this



so embarrassing


My Love by Maria Chan

I see you everyday
And i just can't keep myself away

you're fabulous, amazing
and oh so.... entertaining

I see you everywhere i go
You're always on my mind..... oh no!

Your Smell

Your Look

Your


Taste



I LOVE YOU! and everything you do
I WANT YOU! I hope you want me too
NO! I NEED YOU!!!! Cause without you i'll just DIE 

no seriously because

FOOD!!!!!! You're my one and only love
OH FOOD!! You're obviously sent from above
DEAR FOOD! I really want you!  I really need you!

Inside

Of

Me!


       You know what food? You're fantastic
yes you are! I mean i love you more than Kanye loves Kanye
you're there when i am lonely
you're there when i am sad
you always make me happy
even when i am mad..

OH HONEY PIE! OH SUGAR!
my little marshmallow
my little cream
OH PUMPKIN
OH YUMMY
OH DELICIOUS
oh no...          you're gone.....

    - no wait, I ate you!-

OH I LOVE YOU! and everything you do!
I WANT YOU! I hope you want me too
OH HOW I NEED YOU! Cause without you!
I'll
Just
DIE!

Food! youre my one and only love
Oh food! you

Dear food!

I really want you

I really need you

I really love you







food.








                                 


Ok, i cried just reading this
i mean i just love food so much i get emotional

so now you guys know who i love

Food, i fucking love you

Mmmmm look at you all sexy and shit

rubbed in oil

you get me so hot

i need you inside of me

now. 

Dont you think life is so odd?

I think the government chose the worst time for people to do HSC

I mean during your teenage years?

Really??

I mean we are so hormonal and indecisive (i think...[see what i did there?])

I think all teenagers are delusional,
no i dont think
i KNOW

I guess you have to be delusional to make it through high school

you see what a pessimist i am?

well its true
I mean when you become a teenager you immediately think
HEY i am an adult now! i deserve to be treated with respect

and yet we do such silly things and act so childish

We dont see how hard it is to make a living
we just want to live now the with privileges that only thirty year old should have

we are all so stubborn and selfish

we all plan to live our dreams but never really set a path to reach it you know what i mean?

people dont realise how much they depend on their parents
we have it so easy and we just dont realise!

I mean sitting here right now i regret so many things and i want to start my life over because i didnt try

I feel like its too late, but i am still not trying

I want to tell myself its never too late, but there has to be an expiry date

Damn me and my procrastination skills


And i feel bad because i dont really want to live the average life

Everyone has the ability to choose two paths in their lives
The easy path: One is the average cycle of life
The rough and dangerous path: Change the world and live your dreams

In our years, being teenagers,
we look in the future, thinking to yourself, i want to change the world and make it a better place
live my dreams and be happy all la-di-fucking-da

the sad thing is, not many people make it that far, they fall into the pit hole of the mundane lifestyle

Get a stable job
Getting hitched
buy a house
buy a car
having kids
hoping their kids dont end up like them and would change the world

But it is an endless cycle of never ending solitude

Those few people in the world step up and slightly push the world into a better place

I mean when we were kids did we care about recycling?
no
Do the kids now care about recycling?
FUCK yeah!
You see? the world might eventually become better, its just gonna take a long time but we have to keep going


The path i want to take is the rough one, extremely dangerous, the path where many people eventually turn around.

The path i want to peruse is my "dream career" path.

I am a Right-Brainer

I have to admit i am not smart but i have a shit load logic

I am a creative type

I love music and art and acting and self-expression!

I see things not many people can see.

I want to become a theatre actress in the UK and also a painter

You can already see how Delusional i am

I want to go to a theatre school but my parents wouldnt want me too

so my alternative is to go to uni and study "media and communications"

Teachers say its perfect for me

so i guess thats good

Then take a gap year in the UK or Europe!

try and kick-start my acting career

if that doesnt work out, back to australia i go and join everyone else with breeding

woah just typing that makes my heart sink.

I want to be an actress to bad

Its like being another person

Having people see you in another way

the thing about actors is that its kinda scary
under that character is a whole other person

I think thats why i love acting
people are easily fooled into thinking youre someone else
Its like lying for people entertainment.

and its acceptable.

 Dont you think life is so odd?



Or is it just me?

First day, to Last day of week.

Oh dear
Oh lord

I am so sleepy right now, Having Yayo by Lana Del Rey sing me to sleep

First day of school

It was a tuesday so it was over quickly

once i stepped out of the car it was like nothing changed

like there was no holiday

I feel really bad because i really dont like my Art practical

Ive be experimenting more with watercolour
and finding more influences/artist
and i really hate my art prac
its just so muddled
and forced
like miss keeps telling me to add more!
my style is just generally
obviously rough lines in pencil of a nude women
then blobs of paint to give is life and colour
i like that look
its simple and really calming
and the fine lines really show off the effort and techniques i use

But with my prac now i feel like its not really my style
like i am trying to hard
and it pisses me off because its "never good enough" for miss

And miss also forces a message we have to bring!
I chose Mental-illnesses and i am just so annoyed
combining my artworks together to make they seem linear is so difficult
because when i paint my head it just in another world (well jesus that was corny)
But in all seriousness i am fucked up the ass for art

This was one of my first artworks, its finished now but i dont like my result

the simple pink corners are now harsh red dabs

AND miss keeps telling me i need to erase the pencil

and its like

the basis of my style

how the fuck

i just

i am so depressed.

But now things have changed!!!!

Ive shown miss my "personal" works and she loved them

she was like "these are a million much better than your actual works, i actually like these"

I dont know weather its a compliment or an insult LOL

well lately school has been a blast, its weird

I am really proud of myself with Drama both of my test 17/20 YAYAYAY

and i was only one mark away from emily in one of the test

the year is getting better and better :)

But the only problem is me

i need to start doing some work at home goddammit i still havent done my hospo work :S

I should start now AHAHHA

yeah i should

QUOTE OF THE DAY

You Lock the Door and Throw Away the Key.
There's Someone in my Head.
But its Not Me..

    -Pink Floyd

Fuck

Can i just say..

Well fuck me..

RRR

I think ive been blogging even more because of my ridiculously slow internet!

So i want to show you off my pink floyd album on vinyl which i love dearly

the problem is, i got it second hand from this old guy (and we totally connected due to our mutual likings in music)  and it skips and some parts :(
i dont mind, it makes the sound more
i donno

authentic?

Anyways, i havent been making youtube vids, well i only made three, but hey i like to blog
why not V-log

so i think i am starting a series called "The AngloFiles"
GET IT
ITS LIKE ANGLOPHILE
BUT ITS LIKE A FILE
AHHAHAHA
no?

oh ok


Anyways yeah

Today was so fun, so very very very very very very very fun!!!!

School is tomorrow and we have to preform Robot Robot Revolution

Ok let me just inform you what RRR is about
Its basically in drama we are learning about site-specific theatre
And we have to perform out own and have a "message" behind it
i wont reveal what it is now but basically we just flash-mob
strip and then leave

Good times and what a heart warming story line dont you agree?



So our drama class decided to "practice" on teacher re-devolpment day so we can get familiar with our surroundings, but it was raining which was a DOWNFALL (get it cause rain falls down (no? whatever!))

And after we rehearsed and was happy with our result we returned to the drama room

And after some people left we got kinda bored and started blasting out our own music
And everyone got jiggy with it and danced like no tomorrow, mostly dirty dancing because, well, we dont know how else to dance, oh and hormones, our hormones were kicking in

and we decided to close all the curtains, everyone danced to a flash light set on SOS (but we like to call it strobe lighting)

Then everyone got really tired and just sat down

Trinh and I decided to have a hormonal conversation about boys
Guys with long hair mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

MARIA SNAP OUT OF IT!


OK! i brought my $10 Kodak camera and tried to get s shit load of photos of my and Catrina cause of her sexiness, oh my that hair AND DEM PIERCING!

I HOPE YOU ARE READING THIS CATRINA YOU SEXY THANG


I thinks thats all for today, i am gonna start filming the first anglophile video
I think i would start off with the Beatles

OH AND A FUN FACT
i am going to get a bed
and cut it like this

Rock on MotherFuckers

Oh and i totally forgot my "Quote of the say thing" so um here is a nice quote

and he shows me, he knows me,every inch of my tar-black soul

Sherlocked!

And ive been getting really obsessed with Sherlock because......

GET IT AHAHHAHAHA it took me a while to understand it! i was like "what the fuck is Sher? what does it have to do with Adler!?!?!?" then i was like OHH SHERLOCK =SHERLOCKED AHHAHAHAHA

I swear Scandal in Belgravia is one of the best episode/show i have seen in my life!

I just had so many emotions! It was so funny, shocking and sad it made me so angry yet so happy!

If youve never seen Sherlock i suggest this episode, i am gonna buy the book "scandal in Bohemia" because it features Irene Adler!

Just before the episode just know this, Sherlock is a very um.. "Stiff" man (no dirty jokes intended) and kinda of the stereotypical "dedicated to the job" kind of man, he is um.. Asexual so just no romanticness what-so-EVER! 

I think its really good because finally Sherlock shows some sort of sexuality! I mean he is a virgin! I swear i am still giggling now from the episode! Its just leaves me hanging on the edge of my seat!So perfectly directed, oh and the camera work! the editing! just everything is perfect!!!!! 

so good.

The writer for sherlock was none other then Steven Moffat!

I am guessing none of you know who he is?

Well he is the new writer for doctor who! he took over Russell  T Davies 

Russell stopped writing for doctor who when David Tennant left, so i kinda gave myself a doctor who break, i didnt really want to watch 11th doctor because of my love for David but i am gonna force myself to! Prob after exams! But yeah, Moffatt seems like a fantastic writer, i mean he did great with shelock, -i love the fact  they gave sherlock nicotine patches because in the books her smokes the pipe... A LOT, the little references with the hats and the blog LOL- and i heard the story lines are really great, so a boost from that! 

AND Benedict Cumberbatch... his voice...its.....so....soothing...so.....deep....so...sexy... so........ gaddjngcvunbhrcdb its like my ovary trigger!!! I am writing a song... well more of a poem.. about his perfect voice! I am totally a Cumberbitch! "throw your boobs in the air if youre a CUMBERBITCH!!!!!!" And i love his body in those tight purple button ups otiunyhbdgfsvgdmukjnfv i- cant- even- EMOTIONS! when he said "i took your pulse" i took a minute of silence for my bursted ovaries, they are way to perfect for each other! he she gets him all flustered makes my brgdjknsv

ANYWAYS BACK TO DOCTOR WHO!

But when David left everything changed SO MUCH!

-rant time-

I mean not just the actor EVERTHING!

-The Tardis -The Intro -The super sonic screwdriver! -EVEN THE BLOODY SYMBOL! 

I swear to god in future episode they must include at least one of the ex-assistants!

I really hate the intro, i can barely hear the theme tune! it makes me sad :( 

Like at least for the 9th and 10th doctor they included the same characters, with his memory of rose and mickey! and when rose left he still mentioned her on and off!

But now its like they swiped his memory! STARTED A FRESH! :( sigh i shouldnt be saying this since i only watched 2 episodes of the 11th doctor!

I dont mind matt smith, i like him, he add the quirky side! But David would always be the one for me! His acting skills are remarkable!


And can i just say, he is a massive troll for leaving doctor who
i found it really smart bcause when you leave on the brink of everyone loving you, people will miss you more you know what i mean?
its like if he stayed on people wouldnt mind if he left cause you know he had his run
but if he left on the heighten on his fame people would be more divested
Its like dying young, when youre old people expect you to go, they still miss but not as much as if you died when you were young, get what i mean?


Yeah thats how fucked up i am.. 

Well i guess thats all from me today! TOODAALOOO!

Script Writing.

I have recently become very obsessed with writing
i am starting to write songs and stories and even a script!

LOL no i havent really writing a script i found an old one i wrote
i wrote it for english, me and tian
we had to write something about conflicts in relationships or families and stuff

And we wrote a play about a single teen mum (now older around late 30's) and her daughter and kinda of a role reversal life style

Here it is!

Marie Annette: I'm sorry I'm sorry SORRY SORRY I'm sorry please I'm so so so sorry!

Bel: For what?

For making you mad….?

Mad? Me? When have i ever been mad at you constantly embarrassing me in front of others with your drunk habits and your stupidity? Or when you come home with your numerous chain of boyfriends, turning our house into a pigsty? Me Mad? NO! Just… Help me clean up, (whispers) Like you ever do

i swear i didn't mean to-

WELL THEN THANK GOD! i thought you wanted to throw up all over my boyfriend on purpose! 

hun..

No Mum, thanks for clearing that out for me! 

I said i'm sorry! please forgive me! C'mon Remember when you were 14 and you said we were best friends? 

(M.A comes in for a hug but Bel Dodges) 

Well im not fourteen anymore and neither are you Aren't "Best Friends" meant to look after each other and become reliable so that the other one can lean on when they're in trouble?

w-what are you saying?

i needed a mum, not a friend

But..

For My whole life, i was barely able to look aft myself let alone you! -using me as a house maid-you have absolutely no responsibility! Not once have you cleaned the dishes or done the laundry! Your so inconsiderately selfish, you never thought how hard it was for me!

(M.A avoids eye contact and starts folding the clothes)

ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME, Geez at least give me some eye contact.

IM SORRY! please forgive me

I will never forgive you! i feel like such an idiot. Why am i constantly forgiving a liar who breaks every single promise?

Belinda LOOK!, you have no goddamn idea what it was like being a teenage mother! I fed you I clothed you i put a roof over your head! And this is how you repay me? NO RESPECT!

Respect? RESPECT!? YOU THINK YOU DESERVE RESPECT!?  I fed you I clothed you I put a roof over YOUR head

You no idea what its like to raise a baby on your own! 

I know exactly what its like to raise a baby on my own, you. you…. BITCH!

(M.A SLAPS BEL)

I don't deserve this

(Bel Storms out of the room)

Well your not the only one with issues! i wouldn't be in this mess if your- your father didn't die

he's not dead

WELL HES DEAD TO ME! YOU HEAR ME SEWART YOUR DEAD TO ME! Bastard said he'll be with me forever! Why didn't i put you up for adoption? The first year and he was already out the door. I had nothing my family didn't care, should've gotten that abortion! YOU! you ruined my life.

Not this again

i don't know why i kept you.  God dammit i was only 15 what was i thinking raising a child at that age? You know i could've been an actress, i could of been a star! You know i got one of the roles on bold and the beautiful? The Coma patient yeah. BUT NO your father knocked me up and ran like a the little pig he is! He doesn't even bother to visit! I had so much ahead of me, all i have now is nothing. Thanks to you i failed in life!

You don't mean it your drunk

i mean everything. you ruined everything .

all this time you've been blaming me for all of your problems I was blaming myself for your problems! It wasn't me it was you all along! You messed it all up by drinking and sleeping around and not being a true mother, and i thought you were cool for that. Say all you want, your the problem. You think i ruined your life? Fine it wont be so ruined if i leave

Wait. WHAT? NO YOU CANT LEAVE ME!  Where would you stay? Where would you go? 

I found a job offering in new york.. evan and I are renting an apartment im moving out in a few days, not like you care.

you already planned this? W-D-Why?

I need this

(starts to sing Maria Carey: I cant live with out you)

mum get down

NOO 

Mum Don't

mum you'll wake up the neighbours

Shhh..,Shh… IM MARIAH! continues to sing

MUM MUM look at me.. have a little lie down and ill get you some panadol and some coffee..

(M.A nods)

Don't go

I have to

Please i need you 

no

What will i do while your gone?

(hands her a card)

AA?

It's Alcohol anonymous  

Im not an alcoholic

JUST LOOK AT YOU your a mess

I need you! ill Change, If i do this will you stay? Ill do anything, your my baby i cant live-

Mum its time to rest we'll talk about this in the morning night 

i love you 

i love you to mum goodbye

 ---------

i really loved it at the time cause we got good marks, i think we couldve got more if it wasnt so poorly acted and under-rehearsed 

Re-reading it now it needs a few adjustments i mean LOL wtf :L

i guess ill be editing it attempting to make it longer, maybe even film it.

I am really obsessed with becoming an actress, no one knows how badly i want this

i want to be a theatre actress, on the stage with the light

sure everyone wants to be famous with their own perfume

but i dont want to, ok i do.... but not wildly famous... and no perfume, i mean i dont even wear perfume, i dont even like it, but if i got a perfume i would like it to smell..... kinda like tea or musk or lavender...

OK my brain just wondered off there

anyway! "famous"

I would love to be a british actress, working in britain is my dream life

i think the best thing about it (aside from being a massive anglo-phile) everyone is so connected and tight knit and if youre famous there americans dont know who you are!!!

I watch too many british tv shows and in every show at least 3 actors are in other shows ive seen!!

Other people would love to work along side i donno "johnny Depp" and someone else massively famous, i would love to work with Richard Ayoade

I love everything he is in and he is so funny and talented as a writer, director and actor!!

and i just love how awkward he is. 

Anyone famous, actually, ANYONE! thinks they are awkward! they havent seen Ayoade!!!! 

I swear its so funny watching his interview, he was staring at the host knee all the time and was like "youve got a very nice knee... have you heard about this think about knees? yeah its like your knee, its lovely it is really"

Sigh so awkward i love it 

Sarcasm & Phases

lets carry on to the life and times of your dearly beloved Maria Chan

i say very odd things sometimes...

maybe it is because i love to embarrass myself in public

i do, you know? making strangers laugh, not a better feeling

i tend to wave my arms about with an obscure comment

people stare at we weirdly but i dont mind

i admit i am an attention seeker, i am a drama queen after all

i love EYES ON ME

see what an egotistical maniac i am?

i am perfect for an actress (OHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP)

i am also having an identity crisis, i try and be someone im not and i dont know its me, i guess i have to wait until it hits me and i know who i am. I mean i have had many phases

• Year 6 K-pop phase
• Year 7 Anime Phase
• Year 8 Lebanese/hip hop people rock phase
• Year 9 Scene/emo phase *face palm*
• Year 10 Paramore Pop Rock Phase
• Year 11 Hippy/indie Phase (BEATLES AND PSYCHEDELICNESS)
• Year 12 Grunge Phase

Ive noticed in all the stupid phases ive always stuck with black nail polish and black clothing.

I love black, half of my cupboard is black! I guess i finally noticed what kinda fashion i like which is grunge, i thought it was punk but punk was too extreme. I would be the weirdest punk out there, i rock up in studs and leather, and a slab of eyeliner and then

BOOM

"OMFG GUYS WASSUPPPP! *chest bump* now lets discuss our political views! "

Ive asked people if they thought i was sarcastic, i think i am honestly, bobina thinks i am, Sue thinks i am, no one else really does.

I think its because my sarcasm is to subtle, if people payed more attention to what i say they would see that i am very insulting and sarcastic, thank you Daria!

I think i am going to write down comments that i like and begin to write like a comedy routine, i would actually love to be a comedian, but i would play the race card a lot and it might offend.

But the best jokes are the offensive ones you gotta admit, i think the jokes ill write would be more the the first world problems and teenagers so a lot of people would relate.

Go on Australias got talent and embarrass myself even more in front of a whole nation, good times.

Anyways if my acts sucks they would forget me within a month, you know how fast people move on!

I am getting into listening to live shows, the music is different from studio, you see how much talent the artist really has, and plus guitar sounds more dirty and rugged, i like. I love seeing how tired the artist get and rocking out to their own songs with sweat dripping down their faces awesome.

I love the Black Keys, and gosh he is really rocking the beard

My future husband HAS to have the ability to grow a beard so when we get old we can become fat and creepy, AWWW YEAAH.

Talking about the future, my kids can be my novelty items

I want my daughters name to be Stacey, WHY YOU ASK!? well i am glad you asked

because... STACYS MUM HAS GOT IS GOING ON

And i wanna name my son LUKE! WHY AGAIN YOU ASK!?

so my husband can be like

"LUKE I AM YOUR FATHERRRRRR!"

And i would like to thank everybody for the bad future mother of the year award, i appreciate your votes!

Gooodbyeeeee and ROCK ON

I Would Probably Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck

IN MY DREAMS!

My ovaries wanna take over my body and discuss men (YAY)

My dream guy!

i feel like i am asking for a lot in a guy i know ill never have

but its fun to dream

I know what everyone want "a tall funny guy"

well its true, i would love my man to make me laugh excuse me while i smoke my pipe and quote marilyn "if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything"

Now lets discuss looks wise

• tall (duh)
• Dark hair, preferably dark brown i honestly dont like blonds
• long hair, not like shoulder i want a guy with not short hair so i can put my fingers through his fro, and messy like he doesnt give a shit! but i wouldnt mind a long haired hippie
• NO ASAINS, ive seen too many in my day, i want my man whiter than white to have sexy kids (my ovaries took over for a sec)
• I dont have high standards for face, at least he is cute in my eyes, i mean i find Noel Fielding sexy (google him)
• Light eyes, we are all secretly looking for a nice aryan boy arent we? blue eyes are just dreamy or green even a light brown
• Adorable smile, the one that makes you melt inside... mmmmmm
• I know its odd and women usually go for "super buff hotties" but i like my men tall and skinny, not like lanky and weird and bones, kinda you know? Like Adam Levine in the vid "this love"

FASHION-FA-FA-FA-FA-FA-FA-FASHION

• i am a queen of black clothing! eg today my mum came in with an adorable floral skirt and shes like "Do you likee...??" and i was like "oo its cute can i try it on?" and she was like "you like it? but.. its colourful" AHAH she has finaly adapted to my choice of fashion.
• Sorry i have seem to trail off there, anyway black clothing, men who wear black, not fully black but yeah
• Skinny-ish jeans not tight tight cant take em off, like just nice fitted pants, black, OOOOH i love guys with the jeans with one giant rip on one knee, i cut my jeans like that :)
• Shirts just t-shirts like me, i dont mind tight
• Shoes-boots chucks sneakers
• jumper, i have to admit im the "wearing my boyfriends jumper" type
• i do love guys in like a stiff collar shirt with a sweater and formal pants
• OMFFG GUYS IN BUSINESS SUITS OR FORMAL I WANNA RIP EM OFFF GROWLLLL ;)
• I dont know why but ever since watching skins and seeing Sid wearing a bracelet while kissing cassie got me into guys who wear bracelets.. weird
• I like worn out clothes

PERSONALITY THE ONE AND ONLY!

• FUNNY AS FUCK, just a guy who understands my humour, a witty loser i mean some girls wants a ha-ha guy i want subtle and smart and makes you go ayeeee i get it
• Confient HAS TO BE CONFIDENT again i am that type of girl who wants the guy to make the first move
• Kinda in power, its kinda sexy when a guy its "on top" so to speak (no sexual innuendos please people! grow up!) just takes the lead, i am a failed feminist
• More Confidents, the live life in the moment and isnt afraid to embarrass himself, like willing to do stupid things for fun, for example we decide to go to maccas and we dress up formal and bring table cloths and wine cups and plates and a poster of France and act like we are at a fancy restaurant as a joke, like everyday is a memory. AHAHA
• Open minded, like not afraid of his sexuality and sensitive about different races, like not like "NO HOMO" kinda guy that annoys me and isnt afraid for change wants equality, ive had this stupid fantasy (not sexual) but you know when a girl is at a guys house and she wears his shirt and walks in with breakfast and is like "mornin babe!" i want him (as a joke) wear my clothes and comes in. That sounds weird doesnt it? ..... EVERYONES DIFFERENT :L
• In a bromance! i want a guy who has a really close guy friend! to tell me secrets about him and like tell me embarrassing stories about him and bring him on our dates to make him feel excluded
• MUSIC! i have a weak spot for musicians like really weak, too weak, seeing a man with a guitar makes me explode! Ability to sing is nice
• Good taste in music, not todays music (ew) well i mean mainstream, the whole fucking rapping bull shit makes me cringe, he likes my kinda music i am loving the song "Caroline -The Shake Down Project" a mix between the Kinks and Tame Impala (a band i also very much love)
• Ability to grow a beard, we can grow old together, i imagine his belly over flowing wearing suspenders i am skinny and frail wearing a long dress and we can tell kids to get off our lawns and fake having a heart attack :)
• NOT CLINGY omfg if a guy is remotely clingy he is gone, and over protective i hate the kind of guys who are like "WHO WAS THE GUY YOU TALKING TO!?!?! ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME!!" ugh or "WHO IS THAT GUY YOU WERE TALKING TO ON FACEBOOK" "WHY DOES THAT GUY LIKE YOUR FACEBOOK PIC!?"
•  i dont want him to be douchey i just hate douche bags
• Fuck it attitude about clothing, i dont want a guy who is really really really good with fashion, its kinda weird, you know seeing a guy so well dressed its like, really? i dont mind if guys do it, i just dont want my guy to do it or else he wants tooo, i dont know, wants complements annd yeah i just want a guy who knows what he likes and puts it on without a second thought

I kinda never got back to this and it has been months so ill just upload it now

The minor Character

So lately i have been obsessed with David Tennant!

he is just a brilliant actor!

i love him in this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcEXtCdHjvs

Watching it made me so inspired because it was so well written, very haunting!

and after that it just felt like writing and bobina assigned me a word cause i really wanted to write!

and out of all the words he gave me he gave me "twilight!"

i was reluctant but he said it doesnt have to be like the book twilight

so i began writing

I sat alone watching the room, it held an eerie presence, judging by the light peeping through the windows and the dreary weather it was around five, five-thirty? Judging by my watch it was in fact six-twenty, way past closing time. I grabbed my jacket from behind my chair and began pacing toward the back room, passing shelves and shelves of unpopular DVDS.

Another boring day starring at freaks attempting to go unnoticed while walking into the "adult video" section. Who am i kidding? its rather entertaining, especially when i stare at them in disapproval. My hand hovered above the light switch, pausing i scanned the room incase something were to appear, why do i pause? i guess its some sort of human instinct to know where you are going when they cant see a thing. Up went the switch as the room blacked out, *ting* went the entrance bell of the store, attempting to dodge every unseen obstacle, i muttered, almost shouting "SORRY THE STORE IS CLOSED!" then i finally reached the light in the front room.

She stood there watching me with a blank face, she had an average yet pretty face, easily unnoticed in a large crowed, she held a dvd in her hand and slowly put it back on the shelf. Oh god she is making eye contact, why am i afraid of eye contact? Why am i watching my feet? I looked up again and she continued to scan for a DVD. "Sorry miss i am afraid we are closed" i said hiding behind the cash register. She continued to watch the shelves as the walked down the short isles. "Um miss, sorry i forgot to turn the thing to closed" she just ignored me as her pale finger tips softly caressed the DVDS while she waltzed down the isles. How am i going to get her out? Force? Does that count as assault? She continued to prance around the room in her blue outfit.

She wore a navy trench coat which appeared like a dress hiding her inner clothes, a brighter, more fluorescent blue stockings finished with dark blue shoes and beanie. "Miss you are going to have to leave, please?" she still ignored me! She had extremely pale skin and fiery red hair, this time she looked at me with a cheeky smile, noticing me as i scanned her body. I felt her eyes examine me back.

Her voice was soft and appeared sweet "Hey, im Amber". She drew closer, smelling of coconuts and cream, face to face now, she had freckles. I never cared for freckles before, until now, she made the appear rather… sexy as they piled on her nose, then spread out like an explosion scattered across her face and neck. Her eyes were deep blue, i know its cheesy but i was lost in her eyes. Wait.. lost in her eyes? i am making eye contact.. i feel sweat.. EVERYWHERE. Oh god. to. much. eye. contact. to. much. pressure! Thats better, what am i looking at? oh god, her breast! I AM LOOKING AT HER BREAST! WHY AM I!? She merely giggled and repeated, "Amber" forcing her hand into my hand for a friendly shake.

Amber? isn't it rather ironic since you have red hair? "What?" she said sharply, oh no i am thinking out loud again. Again she laughed, leaning closer whispering into my ear "its not my real name".

She began to amble her way across the other side of the room towards the exit and yet she settled down leaning on a shelf. Why isn't she leaving? Please i am wasting valuable internet time! "miss" i forced out, "you hav-" Then she began to talk. She talked as if it was scripted, as if she's said it all before.

I dont usually write in first person until i watched that video i was so wow about the language used

ive never known what an advantage you could get from first person!

and it just inspired me to write, my favourite part was when he found out about the two ladies sleeping together. How he found everything so beautiful its just and his acting! AMAZING!! His pauses and he just looks right trough you its so chilling!

well someday i am gonna finish the tale of hmm what title should it be?

Amber hair? Ambers Twilight?

Knock Knock

Well i am beginning to watch doctor who

up to the third series

and i love Rose Tyler as the doctors assistant :(

i am so sad shes gone, i know shes gonna be featured in other episodes but i dont really like Martha, her character just annoys me i like Donna tho

i think i might skip all the Martha episodes ahaha

i just love David Tennant so much!

sigh sigh sigh i hate it when i become a fangirl cause i literally go crazy i am also fangirling with Hunger Games

its leonardo dicaprio all over again!

maybe im not giving Martha a chance

shes just so i donno like shes so nosey

oh and i'm almst up to the episode of the weeping angels!!!!!

i wish no one told me about them!!!!!!!!!!!

now i am too scared to watch ubgireadjknvrughjskndegrioajkndsv

and i am NOT good with scary things and now i know about scarecrows and doll houses

ok ok ok ok ok ok ok oko ko ko ko kokw okvcrgdfio must watch episodes with Martha

oh god i need help with the weeping angels

2 weeks

It is holidays

yay or not to yay?

i am just

i feel heavy

i feel like school is to hectic

fuck you internet you beautiful bastard

well i am in one of those states where i feel numb

i dont know what to feel, i cant tell weather i am sad angry depressed even happy

i think i like tragedy, i feel like it gives someone personality in its own sick way

i tend to think up fucked up stories

like my lucy sky diamond one

Its about this girl who at about 7 her parents were hippies (typical of me) and well they had an overdose and embarrassed social services took her away and her parents wanted them to tell her she was dead she was then adopted into a wealthy family of 5 sons the family wanting another daughter

Lucy felt like she never really belonged and she didnt really treat her adoptive family as a family and she falls in love with one of her brothers and they begin an affair

they feel like its wrong although they arent related and she leaves the house in a sort of a gap year with her band, a gay drummer, an asian teenage runaway and a beardy man who is nick named jesus. The brother finds another lady to hide his secret but continues the affair, she eventually purposes and he excepts feeling like the relationship with lucy is wrong. and somehow lucy finds her parents begging her lover saying "see we are not brother and sister anymore" but he again rejects cause they are in to deep, in a state of depression she has an overdose

another story i thought of was "Ribbons" its about a gang of private school living enigmatic lives and has the infamous mark of wearing a ribbon in their hair. the queen bee being Carmen oh and i based the stories on Lana Del Reys Album ahahahah

and way i though of 5 main characters, i just felt like 5 is a good number ahaha, but i imagined it a 5 part series each book consist of each girls life in the same time span but from their point of view and yeah.

The first book would be this new girl who is introduced into the group, and Carmen the last book.

it revolves mainly on Carmen who is the most fucked up.

She lives in a rich household yet broken, her father is very corrupt and typical business man always away on trips and having affairs but her mother is to busy to notice anybody.

Carmen is then looked after her older brother, very flamboyant, and well is gay. He is a woman trapped in a mans body and treats Carmen as his doll. He always tells her "if i were a girl...." "youre lucky you are a girl" and he always lectures Carmen to dress and act a certain way (saying thinks like if i were a girl i would take advantage of men, they would be my puppets, sexy and mysterious) and she never really listens to him, oh and he loves ribbons and womans clothing. After coming out of the closet his typical strict father is a homophobe, tells him off and disowns him. Her brother then kills himself with Ribbons (ribbon noose) with Ribbons tied everywhere all over his body. Carmen finds the body, no one cried at his funeral beside carmen, she takes the Ribbons and constantly wears them and she becomes the girl her brother wants her to be. From then on she became extremely distant from her friends and becomes friends with those who are willing and fucked up as her. She also very sexual and promiscuous, who seeks out married men (she wants to fuck up peoples lives as revenge from herself) she also falls in love with her 30 year old art teacher who is married. When he first laid eyes on her he was instantly intrigued, she found her stunning and wanted her to be his muse. his first words to her "my god you are beautiful"

Another character i though of is a goth chick, i havent thought of a name, for now lets call her Joy. She is quiet and a kleptomaniac. Her personal life revolves around her traumatic mother who and become slightly insane after the death of her father. Although she goes to a private school she is poor after her fathers death her mum doesnt work but just stares out of the window waiting for him to come home. Joy constantly steals things from people homes and sells them of gives them to her sister who keeps up the income. how? well of corse she is a prostitute, a "high end one" so her sisters ways gives Joy money and he sister (lets name her Hope) tries to subtly convince joy into the life of a call girl.

The new girl (Rain) moved from a pervious town where she was bullied, she is noticed by the group because on the first day she wore her "lucky ribbon" to school, as she enters and everyone stares at her and then is bumped into by Joy who steals her wallet without her noticing it. During the school day people inform her to remove the ribbon but she doesnt, people reveal rumours about the ribbons. Soon after when she gets home the 4 girls arrive at her house to return the wallet and test her if she is appropriate for the group. pushing her to the limit where she snaps at Carmen and Carmen accepts her into the group. Rain is short tempered because of her being bullied it forced out an inner anger but mainly innocent. Oh and i chose her cheesy name because at her old school she was taunted with the song "rain rain go away come again... never" she is also a virgin in many ways she doesnt have a corrupt personal life as much as the other girls but she has an older brother around his 20's who attracts Carmen, another reason for her addition to the club

I wanted each character to have different personalities in a alcohol, sex and drug driven lives. The other 2 i thought of is Abigail, a highly Christian although doesnt act it. And one sleek nerd who is a major whore and dresses like a sexy librarian claiming "every man wants to sleep with their teachers or boss or whatever, and i bring that to the table" she is extreamly smart and is the computer nerd. I havent thought the last 2 characters out yet, but i'm getting there!