Goodbye Augustus

Today is the last day of August and it is showing a lot of potential, lets hope september makes up for the horrid month of August

So there as been sparks of hope around here and there, days are brighter and longer and more bearable 

I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today I'm in an unhappy mood, 

Oh gosh I just realised its cause my room began to get messy!! 

OHHH so if I keep my room clean I wake up better oh ~self realisation~

Oh I had another, yesterday, I had a blast btw, but like, apparently I am competitive socially? Oooo

But ya

My life is just pretty good and stuff

It was arts week at uni 

and I made some stuff and got my ring dirty as you can see

The next day I showed Diki (the French chick) this area and she made a little cat

We talk a lot about clubbing and Jess came by and she made things as well

Diki showed me this cool video which she saw when she went clubbing the night before

go around 31 min in, they have a remix of the XX its really good

She party's a shit load it's insane

How does she do it??

We ate pizza and I had a lemon lime butter in the White House

The pizza was so insanely good

Oh I saw Tian on the train it was lovely

Oh and Gary another day

It took me 2.5h to get home with tian cause we caught the wrong train which goes in a circle HAHAHAHA whoops!

Lets see what happened this week?

Ummmm so Brit had these Mexican exchange students over and being me I got too excited and when I get excited I do stupid embarrassing things and I don't think before I do things so I was like 

"How do you say ey chola, no wait, how do you say unsw is neat?" And it really threw them off cause its English slang and then during our tut she loudly said "you scared my Mexicans!"

I just thought that was funny

Erm my tutor for my education course is back! His throat was fucked up and we opened our bloggers for our assignment people I realised he would've been able to access my account meaning anyone in course could and that made me shit myself so I made my profile private and the worst part was my profile said

"I like candle lot dinners, long walk on the beaches and blow jobs" and I'm just like- oh god

If he found thattttttttt

Anywho

Friday was good

I woke up rather early and eeh was gonna go beach with Wilson and I was up for it but Wilson bailed so eeh and I spent the day vinyl shopping

It was hot and we were like oh god but it was so insanely good! The weather was so lovely

I had a guide to all the record stores in Sydney and I was like! We should go to all of them by the end of this year! 

And we started to mark them off (displaying my competitive side apparently) 

I'm one ahead.. Not that it matters :)))

First one we went to cause I happen to see "record" on the store sign was Pigeon ground records which had pretty bags thn back to the egg records store

I got two records and eeh got 1

I owe him money cause we went broke 

Man I'm horrid I need to stop borrowing money

Here were my purchases 

I swear the day was sooooo good and just plain great! The weather was breath taking and AHHH I saw a toy story alien

We went into more record store and yeah did someone say my name?

Magical mystery tour!

They had spice girlsmemorabilia   how cute

Erm

We went to hungry jacks, the peri peri and king sauce burgers weren't that Good tbh

Oh and this hungry jacks

So good they didn't remove the 50s theme which is too bomb like seriously? Why did they stop that?

I miss the James dean and elvis signs hahaha

And look how killer this chair is!

So we drove to unsw, eeh maybe becoming a future student I mean look at him chillin in da hub

We picked up Danny and off to the beach we went

It was so good

I think the best part was that when we put our feet in the water we didn't want to chop them off due to frost bite 

The waves felt so good and sky was breath taking

This is cogee beach by the way

5 min drive from unsw

Oh and we saw a guy in a suit on a motorbike

What a badass

Once our feet were dry we spent like 3h on eehs car just talking and asking what should we do now where do we go now?

Not until Jess was out if work did we decide to go eat

Oh god I also crossed a line with Danny!!

So you know how eeh and I went to hungry jacks we got a frozen coke and after Danny got a milkshake

The cups they came in looked a like

I was holding Danny's milkshake for him and I was about to throw out my empty coke

He was like "hey Maria where's my milkshake"

And as a joke I was like "just throwing it out" showing him the empty coke bottle

And I swear his voice went up into a squeak and was like "MARIA. WHAT. DID YOU DRINK ALL MY- MARIA! MARIA!!"

And I was like oh god! His eyes were so unforgiving and he looked like he was going to break our friendship right there and I'm just like

No no umm I didn't drink it! Here is your milkshake oh god I'm sorry 

HAHAHAH

I miss long drives during summer

They make me very nostalgic

And we went through a tunnel

Chill vibes man

Good times

I missed summer so much no one understands it makes me want to cry

oh and over the summer holidays jess is suggesting a cruise and i am sooo fucking up for that

also brits friend luke invited me to go camping with him a his mates over the summer as well, its gonna be an epic summer

not to mention they also suggested this thing called th secret garden party

where you go to a forest not knowing the line up, youre not allowed in unless youre ina costume plus you can rent tents cause its a 2 day event

how sexy is that??

yeah all these people do is go to music festivals

luke is a really chill guy cause he is totally a hippie we were discussing living just, bum around a forest and eat nothing but nuts and berries and bathe in lakes and hear the piter patter of the rain on leaves while I sleep

yeah and we talk about pokemon snap haha

and yeh

so good bye august

hello spring

please bless the next month and make it good




I always thought it was a shame
That we have to play these games
It felt like you really knew me
Now it feels like you see through me
-the xx - Sunset

Šâtûrdæ

So JA I should be doing my essay but like no I'm gonna instead tell you about Saturday

I went to unsw to talk to my partner in education

There were girls in tutus and people were prepping for arts weeks, I'm excited to see my anon post card I submitted, you had to write a secret! 

Not to mention how great the weather was!

And like then

I wanted dinner and like Jess ee Danny boy and bobby all went I eat at Brighton le-sands and so I trained it to rockdale and met them by the station

(oh the strain on eeeeeees face)

The train (which was real shitty, the line has really bad trains forreal) was like right on time so that's cool

We went to hurricanes but it was too full so we went to a burger joint and it was lovely

B4. 

After (yeah eeh is a massive pussy, can't eat a burger why a loser nigga hahaha)

We went to get dessert

They had funky lamps

And funky food

And then we bummed at the beach for a long ass time

I had a lot of fun foreal

I missed you guys

Especially seeing Danny boy and eeh again

They're a pretty good duo to chill with like they're very mellow and surprisingly deep but in a shallow way yeah I love you guys HAHAHAH nigga hahahah NIGGIE HAHAHA BOBBY LOL

And erm

The car was really good cause it played a lot of clubbing songs and we were dancing. It was real fun I swear 

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And this was the cider I got at the bar

  

Peace 

"IF I CAN'T HIKE DRUNK, WHY HIKE AT ALL"-Me, (well "apparently" danny helped me with that joke) (Marcia sounds like a nice name, yeah peace)

truu

u noe wht i lik bout OFWGKTA

they seek the lonely

obviously all these boys are lonely hoodligans who probably all met at a skate park, i mean in one of the songs frank ocean does mention that until he met OF he was very sad and shit

earl as you can tell has insomnia and the way he looks, lost, fucked is so sexy

i dont know

i like them cause theyre so messed up i guess

hardcore

99 problems all gone in that one joint
And the neck gold froze like he held it at gunpoint

heavy & wicked

Brit says that a lot

shes so cool

and nice

and sweet

like seriously

i dont know if shes only nice to me cause she wants to be my friend or if shes naturally this nice to many people

the other day before my education exam she invited me to the white house to have lunch and meet some of her friends

it was really fun, honestly i dressed myself up a bit for the occasion, whipping out the red lippy and eye liner

(when i appeared she said "aw you look cute" hehehe RESULT)

she invited jackson as well

i hope these people become my uni friends they are really cool

a trend im noticing is that  all the boys are sciencey and maths and engineering majors

while the girls (they are dating) are artsy chicks

hardcore how cute

i grabbed some nachos and a beer, brit just grabbed a beer

ok they were ciders but they were so delish!! i had like a blackcurrent one i think, i dont know but it gave me a warm feeling and it was nice and SUPER EXPENSIVE!

so i met one girl and two guys, they were all in higher years than us
the next day i met another guy who was a brother of a guy i met the day before

he does science and loves chemistry, his brother does environmental engineering

they all like in the shire which is a bummer cause theyre all so far away and they can just easily cut me out if i do eventally become friends with them

man seriously ill tell you how cool they are

so

see

they are having a themed party called "Christmas in september" where everyone dresses up in Christmas clothing (what an amazing idea)

one guy planned to paint himself back and come as coal
and someone else wanted to be cookies and milk

all very cute

and the maths dude called, like, bo or something (he was asian, *gasp*)

said he wanted to go as a pirate, nothing christmassy as a joke

which seems like something i would do

and then..

brit was discussing with this other guy that.. they should all dress up as pirates

they are going to get the whole party into it, making them all dress up as pirates to make that bo guy cry hahahahah how funny!!!

i feel a bit awks cause im like aww this party sounds so blooming fun!!!!

dw, in a few months ill be their bestFRIENDS HAW HAW HAW

AND THEY WILL INVITE ME TO EVERTHING
(ONE OF THEM, ONE OF THEM, ONE OF THEM)

but yeah, brit invited me to the gig of these people called (sticky fingers)

i think theyre rather good plus the lead singer looks like jimmy page! pwar!!

but yeah, if i do become good friends with them, i want to intro the other unsw peeps to them so we can understand what our future years are like cause the girl i met is also doing arts and education and she gave me a lot of helpful tips shes real nice and she reminds me of me cause she came in shouting and when her guy (who she is dating) came in she immediately yelled at him and made him pay for her stuff (but didnt you know, like she took it back)

im so jealous, i wish i were them

theyre so nice

and brit is just so nice

i can

shes so pretty

and ugh

why

LOL

and we are going to go see the pretures

man

mannnnn, i shouldnt be envious, thats like the worst relationship ever haha

oh and the exam was fucken hard, and i get an extension on one of my essays fuck ye

what else

oh after the beer day 

i met with Davidson and Andrew who just had lab and flaunted their lab coats down the main unsw walkway, what cuties, it was hard to miss them, but drew pussied out and took it off

i asked him if i could wear it

and he said yeah

then i said i was going to put my leather jacket outside of it to look hardcore

and he said i couldnt wear it anymore LOLOLOL

oh and i hung out with sue, i got some moscato which was shitty and she put make up on my

i dont realllllyyyy think it suits me but whatev

i fee like a gold digger

yeah i was talking to sue right

and i was telling her about the white shire mates

and then i was like

"Im finally making friends!!"

and i paused and she paused

and then we burst out laughing

LOL

so ja

thats all thats been happening in my life

oh i am excited for english cause i get to study this short story which is so fucking racist, like ommg

its so insane

but yeah

haw haw

oh ineed to get my shit together

i wasnt planning to blog anymore thhis month but i realy wanted to show you guys the sticky fingers song, its kinda fit for everyone am i right? its rather catchy, plus the pirate  joke is hilarious 

 His face was not of that brown rusty black which most of that nation are, but of perfect ebony, or polished jet. His eyes were the most awful that could be seen, and very piercing; the white of 'em being like snow, as were his teeth. His nose was rising and Roman, instead of African and flat. His mouth the finest shaped that could be seen; far from those great turned lips which are so natural to the rest of the negroes.  -Oroonoko: or, The royal slave - Aphra Behn (1688)

Willbeezy

You know what I want? I want to have that feeling where you're so effortlessly happy because everything just comes together. When you take a breath and step back and you find the sun to be a bit brighter and the sky's clearer and you can breathe easier. I would love that so much. My life is okay though. I'm noticing I'm not sad and I don't feel alone and it's wonderful. LOL I'm too greedy though, I want more. I want more things to go right. Ugh. But who cares, I'm content. Maybe more than that, I don't know.


Man, I wanted to say something else, and I remember it sounded really nice in my head. Okay, I'm gone.

Such a nice day out in California, the sand is cold, the wind cuts, and I want to smoke the ocean, so salty, so wide. I need to get out of this town. The tide is rising, and I don't think it'll stop. I've measured it, an inch every half hour, that's not natural. I'm calling my mother, I'll live with her back in Hong Kong. Yes, a plan. I love plans. Now what?

LOL We should be studying, Maria!!!!!!

But isn't it just bliss, sitting, and talking, and sitting, and talking. The sun is setting, you can't see it, but you can see it reflect off a window of a tall building and I just looked straight into it. I can't see. 

Also, read this extract from The Velveteen Rabbit, you know Chandler's fave book?

http://hissandpreach.tumblr.com/post/46504328641/calantheandthenightingale-does-it-hurt

Ain't it beautiful? Also, follow the blog hahahah. Do it.

“I want to kick love right in its gut
Beat it and leave for dead
Wash my hands in the river
Lie down and die in your bed” - Ryan Adams, What Sin Replaces Love? 

Augustus

i kinda have no idea where to start

i hate august

thats i beginning i suppose, ive been wanting to make this post for ages but it just became a build up of pictures in a weird order and everything is just fucked i guess

i was painting and then i split my indian ink and this happened, sad face, looks kinda nice, i love getting paint on my hand, it makes me feel all avant-garde and connected to art and shit

i cant stop listening to the red hot chilli peppers and Goons of Doom, i love the title of their album "i hate my hair and want to die"

i can kinda say it speaks to me

i think jackson suggested that song to me

hes nice

so is brit

im making new friends and i am happy

you know what im bad at

hugging

i used to love to hug

and i still do

but i used to do it all the time

but now when people do it out of being polite it ends up all awks and please dont hug me, i dont mind but i always end up do thing voice where im like "uh, oh, there you go haha" and it makes things awks i mean i can hug but yeah

like an example

i hang out with many guys at uni rather than girls (no i am not a grrl gamer rockstarxxo95)
but its like
they feel like they have to be more polite i guess?

like this one time Abel shook hands goodbye with the boys and when it came to me he did a weird awkward hug things at it was just the worst goodbye ever, it was funny but still haha

the other day i was walking out of education with Jackson whom is 21, i did not know, is tht why jackson and Abel get along so well? who knows

well ive been hanging out with him a good amount and well we sat in the sun together while i ate banana it was nice

and anyways

he hugged me goodbye and it was awkward and all

but then he said "love ya" to me...

and i was like, full of awe and shit

hes so nice, like i saw him sitting alone on his laptop obviously busy but i was lonely and sad and i was like, "Jackson?" and he just smiled and said "oh hey" and he looked back at him laptop and i felt like, 'oh should i leave?' and i just stood there

and he placed his laptop father away from him, turned around and pat the pavement he was on saying "sit down"

people like him make me smile, like they try and be friends with you its lovely

ok lets talk pre the worst month of my life

i went to newtown for no reason

Here i am wearing a mask at the store i like and i got myself green tea incense, which i want to light up now oooo i should!! and make myself a cuppa, and i got myself into a book store called "Better read than dead" i love that how cute omfg and they had a dvd on my favourite performance artist

and like i suggest you look her up cass shes so cool and so cute like woah shes so, surreal

the store also had the cutest area for kids, all harry potter style! i mean if i had a staircase like that, you know what ill be doing, kids reading room! no tv!

and omg how smart, the book store only a few feet away, which im pretty sure sold second hand books, had this, awwwwww, like wow i would totes do that

i think i hung out with snez and jess, snez got us yumcha! thanks bebe, and then i went livo instead of my EDST2070 lecture which is such a scary course until i stepped foot into the second lecture, i love it, it kinda embraces all my views on racism and sexism and i just ugh am so happy and full of energy and britney is my pal we are in the same tut and im happy im making friends

she told me over the break she was squatting at a mates house, 

which was emptied cause they were planning to renovate it soon and so she stayed there for a week sleeping on a matress with her friend, 

working and just reading with no internet or tv and cooking for herself i mean isnt that lovely? 

i want to do that, get away from technology and just read with someone special but i dont think anyone would want to do that with me

anyway back to my day with snez and jess, PHOTO BOMB

i ate choco there and jess ate something to do with butter or pudding or something, i had tea and she had a cappuccino and man do i want tea so bad

ok ill just make a cupa tea cass and ill be back

my tea is being made and im prepping my green tea incense for light, im gonna sleep easy tonight!

oh i went back to the cafe with my mum today, had a lemon-merigue pie  

the top fell, it was nice, but i got a bit sick after, shame, i like hanging out with my mum! oh! the sadness period was a great lesson for me, that what my dad told me, my mum told me love forgives everything and im just utterly upset

and it was awkward cause right after work (yes work, got one shift aw ye) i was just stressin and just crying while eating chicken stunner deal from HJ and hok came in (Sues brother) with his daughter who is real adorable

and hok hasnt seen me in a while and im just sitting there crying and he comes close and asked "are you ok?" and he hugged me and i was like aw thanks, and my dad came in and was like "why are you crying" and i said i wasnt and he was like "maria i know when you cry, ever since you were a little girl your face would go red when you cry" and that only make me want to cry even harder because it always felt like he neglected me and didnt care and now its like he notices and he finally wants to be apart of my life i felt like this is the month to reconnect to family

 i mean my grandma is over from cambodia, perfect timing innit?

look at her that fiesty biotch

oh i went over to my uncles house and saw this monster who threw a car at marcels face\

lol what a cunt but for once he felt bad for his doings and sat in a dark corner not talking to anyone until marcel went up to him and hugged him to show he was forgieven and then he gave marcel a random ass toy to say sorry

it was cute cause he never usally says sorry he just keeps causing havoc and i guess this means he is growing up, its cute but kinda sad

i talked to tony (my uncle) the whole time, just laughing at how stupid teenagers can be (yes we were mostly talking about me LOL)

i mean look at how cute white people are, it was great tea, oh by the by i just finished making my tea and the incense is alight! haha!

ok what happened next..

i think i got my photos printed and here they are

those were on the vivid lights night, i really like the photos, those kinds are my fav cause it feels very in the moment and it feels nostalgic and sometimes i dont even remember them being printed its awesome

then there is this photo which i customised, of me and bobby at goovin, i like my outfit









T

TUESDAY

now to begin the photo set of bobby and i the day we went karaoke and just hung out for the sake of it, i felt like we havent talked in a while so why not sing our hearts out??

and then i remember why...

ok at k1 or k2 i donno idc

if you play hey ya.. you get images of concentration camps... its so awful and weird and i want to notify the staff but i just 

i dont know

its weird LOL

oh and plus we went pepper lunch, yum saw yav man

twAS YUMMO

then we went to take ghetto caps

bobby

if youre reading this

i just want to say

no matter what you do

no matter what you say

no matter where you go or who youre with....

youll always be my niggie

and then we went to starbucks to be like white girls, it was delish

and oh my god jess he is making out with mokca stop him

then we went darling harbour for no apparent reason and this view is nice

and, 6 years still going strong, when are you going to fuck off?

ahh puberty

WEDNESDAY

the day after that i went to a buffet with my old group, with like lisa and chirstina and like wynee and emilee were there it was fun and i ate a lot anf i acidentally flirted with the wrong guy woops

apparently hes a creep but the bartender remembered my name and apologised for not being able to get me free drinks so at least i got somewhere

it was great seeing tam again

shes drawing stars around her apple core on her keno card while we waited about an hour for the others

we got really hungry

THURSDAY

the day after that was foundation day and they had this little cute till around the roundhouse and i got myself a charm bracelet, much better than pandora for sho :)

I was really conisdering going foundation day cause on that day i made a friend cause Dickel, or Diki for short, shes half spanish and african and an international student from france

she looks 100% like jal from skins

i wanted to be her friend cause i want a friend of colour and i sat next to her in english and then i heard her spit out words and i was like pwah coolio youre interesting

i ended up going to her house for a cup of tea, it was really cold i re-call

why do i always end up going to strangers houses? esp when theyre french, her roomate is french as well, she lives above a photography shop and likes good music and watches skins and misfits as well

she doesnt like british comedy like the monty python, that broke my heart

she told me to go foundation day and said that i could crash at her place if i couldnt get home on time, so tempting sleeping on her couch shit faced drunk after meeting her only hours before, but i dont know why i didnt go

i think i was looking too much for an excuse not to go i knew i shouldnt of

and luckily i didnt cause when i got to the station to go home i received a phonecall from who else but upset Sue, she slept over that night, she and i are both experiencing sadness and it was real nice to talk to each other

i love her so, i dont have a relationship like her with anyone else, shes a beaut to have

she is in her version of the snood, furry coat like thing, we just slept in that, and she let me sleep in my undies, she was totes cool with it thank god cause it was really hot LOL

FRIDAY

So we deicded to cake our faces and get the fuck out of the house and out of just our horrible sad lives

and went to starbucks

i had a bagel for breakfast, it was so fcking good im buying it for home now for that last min before uni brekky yum yum!

we kinda wondered around and talked

i told her

cause im a philosopher

that the only reason we get along is because we dont know each others friends

LOL

its true

i can just hate someone one second and love them the next and sue cant say a thing cause she doesnt know the person at all

she just has to trust me, give me advice, make a few jokes, and then its her turn to tell me about her friends that i onl know probably 3 facts about and seen their facebook pictures

thats why i love to talk to strangers, they dont know you at all but have to think youre telling the truth



one day im just gonna dress up and be a completely different person, make up friends and just not be me, its so fun

anyways

we went to the chinese gardens cause we went there when we were little girls and it was nostalgic and so fucking fun cause it was just her and me and we just bummbed around a fancy area in costumes and were planning to study there after uni

im so up for that

we would walk around this area giggling horribly, practically cackling and fanning ourselves

and saying fuck a lot

we love to say fuck

oh and she would love to do this thing where when she takes a photo of me, she takes another right after  

bitch

we took caps

it was nice, in the one saying sw@g we reenacted the ones we took when we were like 12 at cabra, i remember she used to call herslef angel and i would be princess , the birthing of my old email

-lidool_hot_princess@hotmail.com-

i feel like sue understands me, like the only one who actually understands me

lol i dont mean to say this in like a mean way, im just saying sue and i are weird that way

and then when she left i went to danny house with jess, coooooolin and bobby

they got holes in their faces and ears lol

i love you bobby, you sassy cunt

------------

i finlly got myself a copy of ghost world

im really happy

i feel like enid really speaks to me and i love them so much cause theyre so cool like, 

they would just totally fuck freaks

how interesting

i love interesting people

who are open to 

drugs

sex

smoke

drink

anything all the bad kids do

the things i want to do

i want to be a bad kid

i love my family

I think this month is a lesson for me to connected back to my roots

before august ive been high in the sky, being my own little selfish bitch and not giving a fuck about anything or anyone but everything and everyone



its like

its time

i be the old me

the good me

i know its going to be hard

and i know that just before augustus came along i was insanely happy

this is the slap in the face i needed to get on track with uni


my family



my friends



and most of all myself



i miss the old me



and im sure the old me misses me as well

if that makes sense

please help me get through august Cassie


goodnight

i love you, i know you might be having a hard time, i know you might feel alone sometimes and feel like no ones listening, but , i just wanna say good night, i love you and sweet dreams, i'll always be here for you old sport, im here and i hear you.


















As we are floating in the blue
I am softly watching you
Oh boy your eyes betray what burns inside you

Whatever I feel for you
You only seem to care about you
Is there any chance you could see me too?
Cause I love you
Is there anything I could do
Just to get some attention from you?-Woodkid - I love you (the french chick showed me this song, isnt it amazing! i fucking love it, i mean i cant even write one verse of it!)