kinda sad

so right now im eating a big mac


well i wrote that last night and well i went to my first uni party with my uni friends

it was actually pretty fun cause i got drunk but then i slowly became sober and tired and shit so that wasnt that fun but i found energy eventually

so lets see....


I didn't finish my essay due that day so I skipped my tut to do it and I ended up coming late to uni and I missed my lecture so I kinda took naps all around uni

I then met Luke at whitehouse

There was a girl who sang alright at roundhouse and we just sat outside and he had a beer and I had a cider and I made newspaper hats for the shipwreck theme

a guy at the bar actually complimented them lol

Brit and Carla then came and we all just kinda talked and their friend Grace came

She was really pretty and twas cool

We met with Luke's friend and I can't remember his name but he did environmental  science

We headed off to roundhouse and met these other science blokes and had more booze

There was this really beautiful German girl, like her parents spoke to her in German and I asked her to teach me something and I couldn't pronounce it and I wanted to learn "you can't speak German" so I can annoy bobby :))

And yeah we lost Brit ect for a bit but found them and I went with Luke to meet his brother for punch

We headed back to whitehouse and we met his bro and his friend from highschool

We had captin bloods punch which was really delish and that guy in the unsw signs wwas there and another Asian guy and some guy who did media and decided to do physics as an extra topic and realised it wasn't really like highschool physics LOL

WE all mingled and made bad jokes

The others left and it was me an ladies again and I cbf to keep going but


That was me Brit grace and Carla


And there's Jackson an Brit again, education gang

The reason why I'm sad is cause Brit is planning to take a gap year so we won't be in classes anymore and I yeah I really love her you know?

The roundhouse is real nice, they had 3 djs

Here is the inside one 


They played doofdoof music and I think Andrew would of liked it

OH AND I MET A GUY NAMED KEVIN
He is tall and Asian

Anywhoo

I liked the dj outside cause he played soilder by destiny child's and we danced loads

And the discoball was nice


And tam was there

Yeh that's all I really wanna say

ily guys oo

Holiday has started

Look at my pretty drink, tht guy is drinkin it lol

We went to visit Collin

'twas cute seeing him work

Yeh

I was like work out and work and I want money and I want to be free 

Bro







Cause basically i, i just wanna ride with you
I gotta get you, cause i just wanna vide with you
-The Internet - Dontcha






i just got deja vu

Soooooooo...

Yeah previous, previous post was kinda

Ok so

First day

Graduation was good
Fun
Hot cakes (or as eeh, rejecting the the social norm calls it, cold cakes)  
Hot dogs
Wanting to throw up
Jess Collin Danny then bobby

Yeah

It was so fun cause we went house hunting and we kinda just all became really critical and went past the ugliest house


And yeah we all met up at eehs eventually and we played games but I had to
Go home :((

Next day did nothing till the party which I fucked my parents over with

I had fun cause I was buzzed all night and I didn't even take that much

Shot of green fairy
A wait till slightly sober

One jagger bomb 
Three tequila shots

Danced all night and I got to see Claudia the woman I love so dearly 

Sadly jens couldn't come

I saw kitty cat tho and eeh and I fell on the floor trying to take pictures 

B4

After


Fun times oh Claudia I was so happy I see her

Then I just kinda flopped around and danced and I was stable but I liked to pretend I wasn't when I was given attention then I would melt until I was yeah nevermind

And they yeah i got really angry and my parents got angry and I just it's hard to explain


I really pissed them off and the next morning I almost got attacked by a magpie and I had I dream I did and weird cause I'm sleeping all day so yes eeh and I didn't get to go to the record fair and I am now really REALLY upset cause my rents

And I hope I can go midsem party

And I should be studying 

And so I end my post I guess

The 3 days were actually shit -actually first was good

i really wish itll all get better by next week

And I'm like bleh 

Love you guys, don't be stupid like me








The world didn’t get worse, homie, your eyes just got wider.
— fuckin deep ass top comment on youtube



100th post

my special tradition

"CONDOMS ARE CHEAPER THAN BABIES"

"Cry Me A River So I Can Swim In It And Laugh"

I fancy you with a passion, you're a top shop princess and a rockstar too

I Would Probably Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck

I Would Probably Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck

and he shows me, he knows me,every inch of my tar-black soul

You Lock the Door and Throw Away the Key.
There's Someone in my Head.
But its Not Me..


Elvis where are you when i need you most? White comp sequins, jumpsuit ghost

I want you to be crazy cause you're stupid baby when you're sane

Can you see what you've done to my heart, and soul? It's such a wasteland now.


Interpol



You're Not the First Person Who was Ever Confused and Frightened and Even Sickened by Human Behaviour -Mr Antolini From Catcher In The Rye


She may contain the urge to runaway but hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks -Breezeblocks by Alt-J (∆)

the goose bumps start to raise
the minute that my left hand meets your waist
and then I watch your face
put my finger on your tongue
'cause you love the taste 
yeah

Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood 



in school i was the one thinking outside boxes
so everybody in them would say that i got problems
so when i heard you say it, i said it back like fuck 'em 
Tyler, the creator - Colossus 

I’ll wait, so show me why you’re strong
Ignore everybody else,
We’re alone now -Retrograde by James Blake



Glazey and numb. He just turned up the volume. And drove faster. -Perks of being a wallflower (i cant believe in quoting it)


I don't need them
And they don't need me
I guess i'll go home
Try to be sane -Tame Impala; Why won't they talk to me?

Our love comes back in the middle of the night -James Blake - Our Love Comes Back

Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze

-Strange fruit - Billie Holiday


Hello, the hype is so mellow
Bitch I'm dope but my pipe is so yellow

- Odd Toddlers - Tyler, the Creator
listen to the song the beat is so chill


Our hearts beat so loud the neighbours think we’re fucking when I’m just trying to find the nerve to touch your face. -Andrea Gibson, “Pansies”

i love you when you're singing that song and,
i got a lump in my throat 'cause
you're gonna sing the words wrong-Riptide - Vance Joy (thanks bobby)


Whoa, won't you let me hold you, dear ? 
I want to just put my arms around ya, like the circles going 'round the 
Sun. 
Let me hold you daddy, at least until the morning comes.- Janis Joplin - I need a man to love




I got a little money and i got a little fame
Still smoking everyday to ease my mind and maintain
Addicted to success all i wanna do is gain
Drug with ambition i can feel it in my veins
-Domo Genesis - Boss' Life      (if you have the correct speakers the bass is super rad, and this song is so super chill i love it, ive been getting into rnb and rap its crazy but awesome) 


Slip it in her drink
and in the blink of an eye i can make a white girl look chink
 -Fish - Tyler, the creator

And everything hits you in the end
And spoils your thought stream
My heart got a hold of my head
And ripped it to its seams
 -King Krule - Bleak Bake


In her eyes, there's a flame that burns right through my soul
Can't pretend to be cool, about to lose my control
Yeah I know she's got plenty; admirers, she's got many
Like an exotic fantasy, into a frenzy she sends me
Wow I have to sit down, and gather my wits now
I wanna caress those hips now, wanna kiss those lips now- Plenty - Guru's feat. Erykah Badu



And it's a lot to ask her not to sting,
And give her less than everything
Innocence and arrogance entwined 
My mistakes where made for you - the last shadow puppets 

The ashtrays full and I'm spillin' my guts 
She wants to know am I still a slut - Otherside - Red Hot Chilli Peppers


I hope that no one ever leaves,
'cause I don't wanna be alone with me
-The Wombats - Here comes the anxiety (im pretty sure ive already quoted this but fuck it i love this song!!)



what do you call it when batman skips church?
christian bale


Any nigga can kill a man, that dont make you a real nigga, real is responsibility, real is takin care of your muthafuken family.-Real - Kendrick Lamar


As we are floating in the blue
I am softly watching you
Oh boy your eyes betray what burns inside you

Whatever I feel for you
You only seem to care about you
Is there any chance you could see me too?
Cause I love you
Is there anything I could do
Just to get some attention from you?
-Woodkid - I love you (the french chick showed me this song, isnt it amazing! i fucking love it, i mean i cant even write one verse of it!)



I want to kick love right in its gut
Beat it and leave for dead
Wash my hands in the river
Lie down and die in your bed” - 
Ryan Adams, What Sin Replaces Love? 



His face was not of that brown rusty black which most of that nation are, but of perfect ebony, or polished jet. His eyes were the most awful that could be seen, and very piercing; the white of 'em being like snow, as were his teeth. His nose was rising and Roman, instead of African and flat. His mouth the finest shaped that could be seen; far from those great turned lips which are so natural to the rest of the negroes.  -Oroonoko: or, The royal slave - Aphra Behn (1688)


99 problems all gone in that one joint
And the neck gold froze like he held it at gunpoint


"IF I CAN'T HIKE DRUNK, WHY HIKE AT ALL"-Me, (well "apparently" danny helped me with that joke) 

I always thought it was a shame
That we have to play these games
It felt like you really knew me
Now it feels like you see through me

-the xx - Sunset



"If they don’t like you who the fuck cares."
— Sara Quin



My weakness for the other sex
Every time his shoulders flex
The way the shirt hangs off his back
My train of thought spins right off track

-Amy Winehouse (who i am so obsessed with now!) Amy Amy Amy (Outro) 




so.

so i made this whole post about the beginning of september when the weather is all lovely and i posted it then drafted it again and i dont know why and then i realised that its been a long time since the sky was up high and i was feeling thT way so i decided to continue the post then apparently my phone didnt save it and now im angry

ill post it soon i swear

but for now lets talk the next 3 days

i really hope it goes well cause i have high hopes

tmr, graduation and im gona see jen and hang with mah boiz dan dan and eeh so im excited

i still remember graduation, how pumped we were the formal and i really needed metallic nails

and drew and i gave pocky to fogden

its so weird how andrew collin and i were in the same history class for 2 years and we only started properly talking by the end of it all

the main reason why i didnt move to sit with them was cause i wanted to be with tian :))))

anywho

the day after that emily&marys

danny drew and i were discussing it today when we ate pepper lunch




-btw that was so nice cause every friday (last sem) we used to all go home together and danny and i would read mX and gah i miss that

and we are plannign to all get drunk, i feel like no one is gonna hold back i mean there is gonna be like 80 people going and we are all gonna group up and our group is gon prob drink together but i might not sit with them caue jens and claudia Claudia CLAUDIA are gonna be there plus Cat who i havent spoken to in ages

so i think its gonna be just a recount -drunk- and man do i miss clauudia she was my starr i love her so i feel sad now cause i dont think i have her number and i want to cry

anyways

day after, hoping we dont have a hangover Eeeh and i are gonna go record shopping (again) i love the little trips i have with eeh and yeah

sunday driving with my dad and prob do my essay properly for english

yeah im kinda pumped

lets hope the next 3 days are good

oh also

next week, mid sem break (WOO) my mates from uni (yes brit ect) are gonna go to



and we were talking about costumes

and i was like

i should go as a mermaid and like the top half to freak out the others hahah

and luke (hippie luke not sexy luke) said something about a feather sword

and that reminded me of captain feather sword and i was like

omg

we should all dress up as the wiggles and if ayone asks say "captain feathersword invted us"
they were all prettttyyyy pumped on the idea

but we are meet up next week again over sangrias (AGAIN)

and discuss it

i havent seen them in 2 weeks and they all seemed pretty pumped to chill with me so thats good

and im making frinds with this girl named sandy who lives in my area

yeah today she went home with steven tang LLLOLLLLLLL

insane

shes really nice

and we both have the same political views on our schooling so its nice to have that

yeah


i feel like my uni friends make me want to be more dedicated to uni

thats coooool

hmmm i think thats all

im gonna have a nice shower, not try to fall asleep

clean my room

prep for tmr

yeah

life maybe getting on track after that horrible melt down in my essayy

lets do this maria


i hope next semester

ill up my marks like crazy

fuck


FORGOT TO SAY IM TALKING TO RICHARD AGAIN I REALLY MISSED HIM THAT ODD FUCKER HE SAID I WAS INTERESTING HAHA YEE


for his graphic design course he had to interview someone he found interesting and through those questionaires people in his class create a character

AND HE CHOSE ME :)










thus i end my blog post

waiting for them pictures lol



My weakness for the other sex
Every time his shoulders flex
The way the shirt hangs off his back
My train of thought spins right off track

-Amy Winehouse (who i am so obsessed with now!) Amy Amy Amy (Outro) 

im too tired

thats when she realised, in that moment, it was disgusting. number 2, it was, the cigarette. she wanted nothing more but to ash that fucker. this time when it flowed through her it had a sting, a foul taste. it wouldnt go to her head but her throat, burning it and making it scold. was this was death tastes like? rotting and pain and just a sour nothingness? music became rancid and morbid. she realised she wanted nothing more but the kiss of life. a touch. a warmth. a cigarette nor any amount of booze she can swallow could never fulfil the simple trait of affection. she wanted love and intimacy, that was what life felt like, life properly lived. she pressed it hard until no more of that dark red amber sparked. the taste stayed and the yearning stayed. her mind wasnt cleared, it was worried and needed nurture. whats the point death if you havent properly lived, loved?

assessments gets me really depressed

young and bitter she felt at that very moment. the foul taste of life contradicted the sweet rinse of rosé, she really wished that abrupt cigarette was lit again. she could remember the churn in her stomach when the tobacco hit, how, unless she stopped thinking all together she would feel nothing but ill. she obeyed, stopping, finally, letting the slow tunes fly freely across the plains of her mind. she was at peace. she wondered to herself, if this is what death felt like. the silence of all things bad, and, a matter of a fact, all things good. rest in peace she told herself, for this must be what living is, being aware that death is around the corner. misery loves company, and, well, to achieve life, you must die, or life wont be anything at all. 


I can feel it, There's potential this month, it's pregnant

I wanted to start September with a bang I guess

And I did 


6 shots in one, all different forms of booze

Had 12 shots that night


Not to mention

Neil, Mars and April go to the star

Mars is engaged to Neil, in his dashing suit and her suave dress he got on one knee, on lookers clapping along as only meeting an hour or 2 earlier he popped the question

The whole night hand in hand we lost our money and drank

It was very glamourous

I love seeing jens, I don't care that I haven't seen her for like, 7 months, once our eyes are on one another we just get to the chase, no awkward pauses, no unneeded chit chat

I feel like she gets me and accepts me which is the most important thing a friend can be

Accepting. 

like, some people are jusst so dull, i mean i try to listen to people but they dont even give me anything to go on, i ask so manyquestion and no, theyre just so bland! Jens on the other hand, no-stop chat no matter what, oh how i love her

I am who I want to be with her and that's what I love cause I don't feel a spec of insecurity, the same goes for eeh and Danny I suppose, they look me in the eye and say "be a slut, be whoever you want" and I just feel overwhelmed cause I love them so

September is pregnant, there's potential, a future, a name, a life,  there's something waiting to be born

Happy Father's Day


You sassy fucker






"If they don’t like you who the fuck cares."
— Sara Quin