Honestly, as much as I want to say yes, no I'm not ok.
I've never felt so stressed and helpless before. I feel like giving up because so much as been taken away for me. You know what? I have given up. I've been spending the last few days trying to recover from what I lost. But I'm just wasting time. I'm really upset honestly. I know it might sound stupid over a silly laptop, but it isn't. It's not the laptop I'm depressed about. It's how it effected my life. Everything is out of whack. I'm meant to finish an assignment by now but no. I'm meant to be working on another... I'm meant to be re-celebrating Mother's Day with my dad. I'm meant to be spending time with my dad. Whenever he is back in super busy I hate it. I just want to spend time with my family. Have a break before placement. But no. Now I dont have time for anything and I feel like I barely have enough time as it is (if that makes sense). I'm upset that all my plans are gone and that I have to make new plans to cater for what happened. It sucks it really does. I feel scrambled. off the chains and too lost to get back on. I want to get out of this house but I can't I'm trapped because my laptop is gone. I'm so stressed I got my period a damn week early.
And now that my roster is up the stress level has heightened. I have work in Sunday and Monday and Wednesday. I have to go to my placement in Tuesday. And my assignment which I haven't started is due on Wednesday and I'm still doing my other assignment.
Why? Why couldn't my laptop hold on for another week?
Oh god.
Not to mention money. I'm going to slowly run out of money. I need to fix my laptop buy a new laptop buy a hard drive to back up my stuff but new teacher clothes and start paying for gas. I am way too overwhelmed. I still have barely cleaned up my room or is prepared for placement.
I'm sick and tired and I just want to give up. But I'm not. I'm going to get up and try to finish this assignment as fast as I can and then start on the second. Listen to lectures on what to do during my pre-visit and start on my safe hub module.
This is just a rough patch in my life and I know I'll get through this. It's really hard but we all have to learn I guess.
The only thing that upsets me the most about this is my dad, I really missed home ever since I read never fall down. I don't get to see him until like a month. During his last visit we did nothing and this week as well. I HAD EVERYTHING PLANNED I WAS MEANT TO BE FREE ON SUNDAY AND SPEAND UP UNTIL WEDNESDAY WITH MY FAMILY.
I can do it and I know I will. I just wish that this never happened. It feels like a really bad nightmare. Ok I need to get out of bed and start. Have a nice day guys. The weather looks great.
In not ok now but I will be.
