chills

One of my favourite feelings in the world, no not an orgasm, but nostalgia.
I gives me this kind of rush, it gives me this sense of self. if that makes sense.

It s the 28th of march and i feel very different. i am soon to be 21. As i lay here going through old pictures of myself, my friends and even my very on blog (and bobs deviantart) I cant elp but feel like i have come a long way. I will be graduating very soon and i thought this day would never come.

I will admit that i kinda scares me, but i feel ok with it at the same time. Why? because of my friends. A few days ago i went to go see a view. it was beautiful. it felt just like old times. exploring, going places for no good reason. i just miss it dearly....


i had ice-cream at the view. My favourite type. Choc dipped in nuts. it never does me wrong.

We then went to go see an abandoned train station. i did not wear the shoes for it. We then moved on to a beach were i leaped in in my underwear. There is no other sensation like it. It is not the same in your mere swimmers. Theres something diffrerent in your unplanned underwear and your ever growing fever from the throat infection you will get only a day later.

The water felt great. Screaming felt great. Standing in Eeh's car peering outside the sunroof with the wind in my hair was amazing. I felt the same way i did in 2013, when i first discovered this love for myself and the deep love i will have for my friends.

I am unsure whether or not they feel the same way. whether they ever feel as lonely as i do until i see them. Like- i can never really really be myself until i am with them?

Sure i can enjoy myself with my uni girls which i do. They dont have the same history or chemistry as- the if i dare say- "the kik"


Maybe it is the fact that i am looking back that makes me love them so much- but i guess it only makes me excited enough to move forward.


I love my friends and my friends to come
The best feelings with new and hopeful friends so far are

• Seeing Brit again, caressing her unwashed hair and telling her how beautiful she was
• sitting in sean's car, talking about our worst drunk stories
• walking quite quickly to the bus stop with naomi- talking about making a zine about the pressures of being the first and only girl child in a first generation family (and wanting to pursue an art form)
• Messaging my Uni girls and knowing that they know me- not all of me, but enough to know they love me

I also love having those millennial moments and getting to experience it with your friends

• Sitting in Eeh's new car
• Finding out bobs got into Aftrs
• Seeing Andrew, skinning as fuck and in his reserves outfit
• Sitting in a car with Collin, unknowingly making a decision to date Thom
• Finding out Jessica is illergic to 50 SPF sunscreen
• Ems, drunk, crying on the phone to her parents saying she desereved to be out, as dammit she did
• Watching Huynh watching Lucky's Tumor 

I have hated all you guys at different times and loved you all at the same time. But to me, youre all family.

Birthday wishlist again

Hey guys so i had a long and hard think about what i wanted for my birthday and my list has changed. I am hoping no one got me anything yet do they can look at this list hahah (i know jes got me the phone case thanks girl) ok cool here we go pls disregard the other list. if you already bought me stuff all good me sho happy.

HMU IF YOU GON GET THIS CAUSE I THINK SANDY CAN GIVE ME A DISCOUNT CODE

OR

 http://www.bookdepository.com/wishlists/WK9CX

14/03/2016

I had a very lovely day today- i am quite unsure why but it just felt as if it were pieced together quite well.

its one of those days you wont remeber in the long run- or at all- but it was one of those days which makes you feel really, calm, relaxed, and likable.

i am pretty sure i have an inkling of social anxiety where i constantly want to impress people but that is besides the point.

i had a good day and i finished an assignment today (yey)

woke up andrews house- the norm these days, i have been super clingly for some reason (probs cause lady days soon)

left his house, got home, ate, got ready, and out i go for uni, 

got to uni a bit earlier than usual because i had to meet up with my partner for our presentaion that we will be doing in the next hour.

she messages "wanna get a coffee" dear lord jesus thank you yes 100% i need one. 

as i was walking a guy ran up to me panting and half yelling "IS THE WHITEHOUSE AROUND HERE" (a coffee place on campus) and i was like yeah a little down to your left. and he said thanks and said that her needs to get the rest of his team (??????) 

apparently they were doing the amazing race or something for uni. then some chick with a plate and a croissant and choc donut thing came up to me and asked me if i wanted free food and if i sign my name they can get money to keep giving free food. and i was like why not.

so yeah i chose the croissant which was good in my part cause i only had cereal for breakfast

went to the whitehouse and met with naomi. the girl i am currently obssessed with.

we talked and had a coffee (the girl who worked behind the counter asked me if i were in her capstone class and i was like yeh and she was like he is a pretty tough marker which gave me the shivers- she was nice) 

Class began and the lecturer played 

THIS

Earl Sweatshirt and started talking about the use of animals and the grotesque which i thought was mad. then after that i had to do my presentation which went pretty well. I kept forgetting the lecturers name so i ended calling him the doctor (because he has a PHD) and yeah now everyone calls him the doctor LOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLLL

When class ended i got a message from Rowee another girl im doing a debate with on wednesday and asked if we wanted to meet up in half an hour. i said sure. i was hungry and so was naomi and sandy packed her lunch. we went to GYG and Row met us there.

We totally zoned out and started talking about clothes it was so fun. Before she arrived tho we were talking shit about our class (chicks talkin shit) and it was so funnn like she hates the same people that jess, sandy and i hate its so good.

What i found lovely was that naomi said that when me jess and sandy were sitting next to each other she wanted to be one of us???/ not to be cocky but we are totally the hotties of the class (trust me you dont want to see what a bunch of english nerds look like- THERE IS A GUY WITH DREADS, A GIRL WHO LOOKS LIKE SHES GOING TO A RAVE IN BELT PANTS AND ANOTHER CHICK WHO LOOKS LIKE SHE BELONGS TO A CULT) plus we are all multi cultural. its epic as.

This little photo best describes my relationship with my uni girls.

in obsessed with this song. bye x

how is march treating me

well title of this blog, im pretty stressed, and kinda sorta not really but weirdly alone (?)

i have been acting weird lately apparently seen by almost everyone, andrew, bobs, sandy, everyone

i feel distant from everyone but close to myself- maybe im getting my period soon which i am pretty sure im not. i am very pre-occupied and a little stressed over uni. i really want to do good this year. prove something to myself i guess. i have also been hangin out with a lot of arty types.

i guess i do want to spend my time with these people. its always nice to meet people who try and relish your talent if that makes sense
e.g. brit, i saw her the other day- i watched her band (and this guy named sean i met at prac, hes really lovely and funny and likes the same stuff as me)
she asked me how i was and told me i was beautiful and she said "remember how you used to do little doodles in your books during lectures and tuts, i loved that"

which makes my heart jump.

i wish i could draw all day

i met this other girl, naomi. she called me a total babe which made me go aw.. she goes to cofa (the fine arts sector of UNSW) and she was giving tips on what to buy art wise, what galleries and how i want to apply for the Art Gallery of New South Wales scholarship to live in an art studio in france. the total dream



i love meeting people like brit, sean and naomi, they just really help with your passion. just whenever i think of them it makes me want to draw.

i dont know why.

ok well- thats march. the month i realise i want to pursue art


cya

February overlap

before i go to beddy byes,

i only blogged 2 times last month which is a no no for my goals for 2016, so this is an extension from last month- funny tho i got an extra day and i still didnt live up to it... to be fair i didnt have a chance ot  reach my laptop so yeah, this is my bonus round

hello people, my comments for tonight is why 9am starts, you will be the death of me

second comment, i think its really cool how i get to read the satanic verses for my capstone english course, it was the course i dropped last semester and thank god. its a completely different course!!! before it was all macbeth and boring shit and how its porn and satan!

fun times

i hope this semester goes well, i am very anxious but hey thats just the type of person that i ammmmm


i have been spending a tonnnnnnn load of money and it is not good, new strategy- cook at home and leave credit card at home- OH! and ask for more shifts

yes good good yes. I really am trying to do the whole "work only weekdays" thing but its really hard when you have actual work on saturday !!!


i feel like i have somewhat reverted to my old lazy self- im going to tru and not spend my days ssitting in bed because i can- i wanna wake up early- not eat junk food- i want to be active and get out the house- i just wish there were more and free parking

life is hard

what else can i say?

i wouldnt mind this wallet as a gift a guess?





here are some videos

p.s. i wanna make a blog post about my students but lets see if i ever get around to it