i have been contemplating whether or not to talk about this here but ive decided i will because i want to help people
i know the only people who really read this blog is the kik and they already know. so i might as well blog this! i have been diagnosed with anxiety and severe depression!
which makes me smile and makes me so happy because i have been searching for answers for so long. it is a huge relief for me.
i remember i had a mental breakdown once. crying and rocking and just having a panic attack thinking WHATS WRONG WITH ME??? WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS PAIN!?
and now i have answers and everyday- it hasnt been easier.. but now im mindful of my thoughts.
and ever since i have started therapy my mind has expanded and eased. i have even started meditating whenever i get angry (which is often)
the reason why i wanted to voice this is because someone told me that depression makes you a better person
i was very very confused by that statement
because for me. my depression was pain. it was whitenoise all over my body and the only relief was cutting myself and suicide (which i havent done, but was very close to)
and i got really upset and flustered by that statement.
but as time progressed and the drugs started to kick in i really became more aware of myself. my inner demons. and the people around me.
i am more able to hold peoples hand. and love them. its hard to explain but its like you would never want anyone to feel this pain and you just want to hold them until it goes away.
i have also been more aware of what triggers the depression and anxiety.
so i kind of get the statement now. depression not only makes you a better person. but a different person.
i mean if anyone reads this and has concerns please message me. i dont bite! if you have any concerns about yourself or someone else feel free to message me, i needed someone to help me and tell me that i needed help but no one really understood it (and its no ones fault)
so if i could slightly ease anyone else's pain/mind i would be happy to talk and be there for you
i mean my pain was really bad. every second of every day i wanted to take my life. i was always hoping a car would hit me. i wanted to press the acceleration at a red light. i couldnt eat. i couldnt sleep. i was paralysed in this dread and pain. legit i lost 5kg cause i would only have 1 meal a day. i would gag or want to vomit for no reason. i couldnt even enjoy music. i just drove in silence.
so im here to help.
im here
no one deserves to ever. feel. this. way.
i mean it makes sense now aye. all of my previous blog posts. and my mental breakdowns? it was the depression talking. not me. :)